In the Rain, I Hear Her Voice: My Amma's Life in 'Mausam'

Imagine a Sunday morning in the heart of the monsoon season. In the narrow empty streets of Old Delhi’s Dharampura, the rain patters softly against the windows of a small house. The world outside is a wash of grey and green, cloaked in a gentle mist, silent except the rain. Inside, the room is a sanctuary of warmth and comfort. The tiny drops of rain peek through the curtains, filling the room with moisture. On the stove, the kettle goes off with a piercing cry and instantaneously the aroma of freshly brewed tea fills the room, engulfing its inhabitants, mingling with the earthy scent of rain-soaked soil. Wrapped in a soft, handwoven blanket, I, a young boy, sit across from my grandmother, her presence a comfort amidst the shadow of raindrops and uncertainty of thunder.

With a steaming cup of tea in hand, my grandmother begins to recount another story, her favourite thing to do on such mornings when the world is held hostage by the rain gods — this tale though will reverberate through time, leaving a mark on my existence and precipitating into the very soul of our latest song, "Mausam."

As she speaks, her voice wavers and weaves a warm sweater of memories, emotions, and reflections, each word carrying the weight of a life collecting experiences and moments. The sound of the rain outside provides a soothing backdrop, like a gentle lullaby that enhances the nostalgia of her tales. I close my eyes and listen to her voice as I drift into a dream, that I will wake up from, decades later.

Allow me to take you through the journey of creating "Mausam," the poignant finale of our EP "Zindagi." We'll experience life, regrets, sorrow, inspiration, and understand my mind through my grandmother's life. The nitty-gritty of every line, every note, and every emotion is laid bare as we stare at ourselves one last time.

How Seasons Changed : The Birth of Mausam

I vividly remember the moment when the concept for "Mausam" was born. We were gathered at Saira’s place, immersed in a long standing creative argument. The room was filled with instruments, notebooks, and the a list of words that were the elephant in the room. We have been performing a song, now titled, ‘Hassi’ for months now and asking our listeners to give it a title and it was the D-Day. Those numerous suggestions were scribbled down, debated upon and finally 4 most frequent ones were now the ultimate challenge. Each one of us with our selected title was ready to fight it out till the end to be victorious. The four of us were in a stalemate. The four great names were thus, ‘Hassi’, ‘Sukoon’, ‘Mausam’ and ‘Zindagi’.

After the battle could not be won with sanity, we all resorted to whimsy and Saira in frustration suggested release the same song with different names if that’s what will take to resolve this feud. The three in the room chuckled, while I, sitting in a corner, smiled. It was clear what I had to do. Others recognising this smile of mine, now were preparing themselves for something crazy.

And it was…

The Trilogy : Zindagi in Snapshots

The idea of an EP was born, a tale spanning three songs that will capture the passion filled early 20s, the calm of the middle life and the confrontation with death at the tail end. Thus, we being true to our words of being a band in service to our audience, used all 4 titles.

"Hassi" captured the fiery passion of youth, "Sukoon" would represent the tranquility of mid-life, and "Mausam" would be the reflective finale, where the protagonist looks back on their life with a mix of acceptance and regret.

The source material for our now ambitious project came from the initial spark that was now turning into a flame, my grandmother. I call her ‘Amma’, have always done so, it was my term of endearment for her, never realised that it was not a common term, kids my age used for their grandmothers but calling her anything else, takes away the personal relationship that I have with her. Thus, I’ll call her by the only name that feels natural to me, from here on…

My Amma has lived a life rich with stories of love, sacrifice, and resilience. Her tales of early life, moving cities, and the bittersweet symphony of joy and regret resonated deeply with me. As I grew up, her stories became a source of inspiration, shaping my understanding of life's complexities.

I recall sitting with her on similar rainy mornings, listening to her recount her journey—her early aspirations, the sacrifices she made, and the resilience she exhibited in the face of life's challenges. Her stories were filled with vivid details: the bustling streets of her childhood, the scent of flowers in her garden, the warmth of family gatherings. These memories became the cornerstone for "Mausam," shaping the lyrics and the emotional depth of the song.

One particular story that influenced "Mausam" is my amma’s regret about not pursuing her studies in biology. I remember those winter mornings basking in the Sun and she teaching me the names of bones of the human body. I was always astonished that how can she remember such details. It really sparked my own decisions to dive into academics and physics that defines me and my curiosities till now. Her stories of her will to learn new things and her willingness to answer my most ridiculous questions with a scientific temperament really made me the person I am today. She was deeply passionate about academics but had to give up her studies due to societal and familial pressures. This unfulfilled dream stayed with her throughout her life, and it became a central theme in the song.

Connecting "Mausam" to "Ghadi Ghadi"

Now, the devoted KAPOW! and Eternalramblings listener might notice that only last month we released the song ‘Ghadi Ghadi’ which centred around my Grandfather, who I called Bawa with love, and his influence on me and now ‘Mausam’, a tale revolving around my Amma. You might wonder if I plan to combine these two worlds too into maybe something bigger. If you know me, you know the answer, it is a resounding yes. The entire EP of Zindagi which I have been promising but develop into something bigger it seems. It’s the natural flow of the creative process that both excites and scares me. There might be a bigger narrative that is waiting to be written by my pen that I must welcome and do my part in getting it across. I believe it is too soon to make any promises to my audience but I am here to tell a tale trough my writing and it will be something that consumes me and you whole.

So, for now, just as "Ghadi Ghadi" was inspired by my Bawa, "Mausam" serves as a complementary narrative inspired by my Amma. This connection adds a layer of depth to the "Zindagi" EP, that honestly was not completely planned but emerged from the process, making it a family tapestry woven with love, regret, and acceptance. My Bawa’s stories of resilience and my Amma’s reflections on unfulfilled dreams come together to create a poignant narrative that spans generations. My role here being that of the storyteller, the observer, the narrator, the guide.

Both songs highlight the importance of cherishing the small moments and pursuing one's passions. 'Ghadi Ghadi' reflects the lessons learned from my grandfather, while "Mausam" draws from my grandmother's experiences, creating a harmonious blend of their influences in my life and music.

I am just a storyteller: An exercise in Songwriting

The process of crafting ‘Mausam’ was as natural and fluid as the rain that inspired it. This was one of the fastest songs I have ever written, with the lyrics and melody coming together almost effortlessly since ‘Hassi’ acted as a bedrock for the song which also posed a major challenge.

One of the most significant challenges in writing ‘Mausam’ was thus maintaining the essence of the song while ensuring it stood apart from ‘Hassi’ I wanted to retain a familiar melody but infuse it with a deeper, more contemplative emotion. The lyrics needed to progress the story, moving from the passionate energy of youth to the calm introspection of old age. This was easier said than done, I was constantly plagued with the thoughts that song are not very different, they are practically the same song and I am cheating my audience. I had to work on it and think like a storyteller and not a musician. I took inspirations from old retro bollywood movies that effortlessly played around with the single motif building it, evolving it, as the story progressed. My faith was restored.

The decision to make the song minimalistic was also intentional. We stripped down the arrangement to its bare essentials, focusing on the guitar and vocals to create an intimate atmosphere. The ambient sounds of rain and thunder added a layer of melancholy, symbolizing the end of an era. This approach allowed the lyrics to take center stage, highlighting the protagonist's emotional journey. I wanted ‘Mausam’ to be raw, unapologetic and to be lonely. The song should portray the same character’s life that was highlighted in the first song but now with the wisdom and the pathos of old age.

If between all of this, you are wondering, “But what about ‘Sukoon’?, it should be released first since it’s the logical next step”, I’ll answer that towards the end so keep reading…

Coming to terms with mortality: Detailed Dissection of the Lyrics

The songwriting process for ‘Mausam’ was an exercise in capturing the delicate balance between nostalgia and finality without being morbid. The lyrics flowed just as I had written ‘Hassi’ in an auto ride, this one began in the comfort of the house with weather taking a turn outside the window. The words began with a tenderness that described this final meeting in all its beauty and wonder while I hummed the choruses with the familiar echo of ‘Hassi’ with subtle wordplay to really bring the attention to the urgency felt by our protagonist.

Some lines in the song were so immediate and profound, that I experienced the familiar disconnection, the feeling of just being the medium, the uncomfortable feeling of staring at the words and wondering if it’s really me who has penned down these words. These lines with a power and will of their own became the cornerstones of the song.

One such set of lines that make me feel this is

Ab maut milne aayi hai, Zindagi yu yaad aayi hai, Aakhari ek hasi rulati hai.

These lines, central to the song, encapsulate the protagonist's journey. As my Amma recounts her stories, I see parallels in her life—her acceptance of life's impermanence, the flashbacks of memories both joyous and sorrowful, and the poignant realization of unfulfilled dreams. For her, it was the regret of not pursuing her studies in biology, a passion sacrificed at the altar of familial duties. Was it worth the price? Are the tears really of joy or of sadness, you can’t really tell anymore.

In ‘Mausam,’ a song that is heavily anchored around the lyrics, each line is a world of its own, and being the songwriter, I am obliged to take you by the hand and thrust you into the full scope of their crushing meaning. So, in 3…2… here we go!

First Six Lines: The Warm Embrace of Memories

The first six lines of ‘Mausam’ evoke a sense of nostalgia and tranquility, reminiscent of a cozy Sunday morning wrapped in a blanket, sipping tea while watching the rain. These lines paint a picture of simpler times, filled with both warmth and a touch of melancholy. I pictured my old self held in a warm embrace of my memories, protected from the reality, the inevitable.

Bheeni si jo ye saasein hai, marham sa geet gaati hai, dheeme se jo baahon me tu aati hai. jo beqaarari chaayi hai, hoton pe bhi aayi, chhaon me kambal ki chhedh jaati hai.

These lines capture the essence of life's journey, a beautiful but unpredictable path filled with dreams and fleeting moments. My favourite word here is definitely, ‘marham,’ a soft, gentle hum that heals me and the protagonist. The imagery gracefully reflects the fragility and beauty of life. It’s a gentle reminder of the passage of time and the angst of the life.

The First Chorus: Living with Regrets

The choruses of ‘Mausam’ play a crucial role in connecting the song to its predecessors while introducing new elements.

Ye aasman aur wo zameen, ispe beeti meri choti si ye zindagi. Sab hai mila par tu nahi, fir bhi chahre pe pyaari si rehti ek hassi

speaks to the protagonist's one regret—something or someone they couldn't achieve or become in their lifetime. This line carries immense weight, reflecting a universal human experience of longing and unfulfilled dreams.

For me, personally, "tu" in this context represents the protagonist's unrealized potential, that one dream left unfulfilled. It’s a poignant reflection on how, at the end of life, we often think about the one thing we could have done differently. The person we could have become, the one we meet at the end of time reflecting back our life but so much more. It probably is the biggest regret and my personal fear that made it into my writing.

My subtle lyrical acrobats, are something I am really proud of. I have always enjoyed leaving these ever so slight changes to the lyrics that the average listener will not notice but those who will, will know I carefully placed these for them and it becomes our little secret.

In this chorus, the slight change from ‘Ispe’ from ‘Jispe’ in ‘Hassi’, might appear insignificant to most but it gravely changes the perspective of the entire story and brings everything real close making it that much more urgent and important. Another change from ‘Kuch hai mila aur kuch nahi’ to ‘sab hai mila par tu nahi’, really highlights the passage of time and tells the listeners that a life has been lived, that now the protagonist has achieved all he/she could and it’s just that one thing, one last thing, one thing that unravels him/her completely.

Now, that you know about this, I must tell you, this is one of my favourite sneaky songwriting habits to introduce subtle changes in the lyrics as the song progresses, these are so minute but yet significant that you must be a keen listener to really notice these. Go listen to songs like ‘Experimenting with Hoomans’, ‘Haqeeqat ke pare’ and your favourite ‘Sab Sunliya’ too and you’ll find such songwriting easter eggs.

The Second Chorus: The Meeting with Death

Ab maut milne aayi hai, Zindagi yu yaad aayi hai, Aakhri ek hassi rulati hai.

These lines are the heart of the song, encapsulating the protagonist's acceptance of his impending death. "Ab maut milne aayi hai" is my poetic way of personifying death that has come to meet the protagonist as he/she take their final breaths. "Zindagi yu yaad aayi hai" is the flashback, the good, the bad, the happy, the sad, each memory being relived, cherished for one last time. And now we come to the final line of the verse

"Aakhari ek hasi rulati hai" is particularly poignant, illustrating a final smile that brings both tears of joy and sorrow. This I believe is one of the most powerful lines in the song. This smile is a reflection of the protagonist's cherished memories and the bittersweet acceptance of the end.

The Final Chorus: The Incomplete Goodbye

Fir bhi chehre pe pyari si rehti…

The chorus ends abruptly, leaving the word "hassi" unsaid, symbolising the protagonist's passing and the unfinished nature of life’s journey. This abrupt end mirrors the unpredictability of life and death, underscoring the song's introspective and bittersweet tone. But the listener can also interpret it as a last goodbye that was too overwhelming to say so the protagonist never said it, and it’s implied. I though lean to the former, where the protagonist, the speaker is fully aware of his end and his last breath and thus chooses to part ways with us at that exact moment leaving us with silence and our thoughts, just rain falling as we string together a narrative for ourselves, take account of our feelings.

I wanted to rob my listeners of that satisfaction of a closure towards the end and let them wonder what the silence signifies and feel the incompleteness of life itself…

The Symbolism of Rain: A Deeper Look

I have always been that kid who at the hint of rain, dashes out of the house, to the terrace, while my mother screams behind me to be careful, to just feel the raindrops on my face, the smell to fill up my body and the emotions to take over. I enjoy the smell of rain so much that I possess a perfume that replicates the scent precisely (if you want info on it, hit me up). As a kid, I have spent countless hours learning the chemistry of the scent of rain (being the nerd that I am, it should come as no surprise). And so leaning towards adding the sound of Rain in "Mausam," was not just as a background element but as a powerful metaphor. It symbolises the passage of time, the cleansing of old memories, and the melancholy beauty of life's impermanence. To remind me of all the times I have sat by my window writing songs, reflected on my thoughts. While the whole world comes to a standstill, people stop and run for cover, colors look anew, I have felt comfortable and alive.

Musical Composition: The Sound of Life's Final Chapter

Musically, ‘Mausam’ is a departure from the energetic beats of "Hassi." We embraced a minimalistic, indie singer-songwriter approach to create an intimate atmosphere. The gentle strumming of the guitar, devoid of harmonies, mirrors the protagonist's reflective and lonely state. I wanted the composition to reflect the person’s life as her kids have move out to start a life of their own, her partner has been long gone, and she is living alone waiting for her end.

From the moment the song started taking shape, I wanted rain and thunder to be part of it. The sound of rain has always been nostalgic for me, reminiscent of the countless rainy mornings spent listening to my grandmother's stories and thunder accompanied the cry, the heightened emotions as the lyrical story unravels.

While working on the composition we wanted something softer, an instrument that is gentle like the rain drops, like the fleeting memories and we picked up Saira’s Kalimba. MC Gilheri and I spend hours playing it and coming up with just the right notes that gave us further direction.

A spontaneous decision during the demo process was to change the time signature in the line "Ab maut milne aayi hai." This shift in rhythm was not planned but felt natural, I ended up singing the line each time that way, removing a syllable to fit the time felt like robbing the song of some meaning and so I stuck to it realising that it emphasised the gravity of the moment, drawing the listener's attention to the protagonist's acceptance of his fate. MC Gihleri, was skeptical about this change. He questioned why we needed to alter the time signature, but I insisted that it felt right. After experimenting and laying down the harmonies, this change became one of his favourite parts of the song. It added a unique touch, making the line stand out.

Recording this song was an emotional journey too. I remember the studio sessions vividly—working with our guide, chief recording and mixing engineer, Mukul Sir, to capture the vulnerability in my voice. He wanted the vocals to resonate with the frailty and wisdom of an old man on his deathbed. This required me to step into the protagonist's shoes, to imagine her emotions and convey them authentically. The challenge was to make my voice sound aged and reflective, which was a new and enriching experience for me, but feedback from my bandmates and Mukul Sir helped me get closer to it with subsequent takes.

The First and Final Mix

The mixing process for ‘Mausam’ was surprisingly smooth. Unlike previous songs where we had to fine-tune endlessly, the first mix of ‘Mausam’ felt perfect. It was as if the song had found its true form, ready to evoke goosebumps with each listen. Mukul Sir, our engineeer, managed to capture the essence of the song in the first attempt, which was a first for us and probably a rare occurrence for him as well.

I still remember the first time I heard the final mix siting in the green room of our favourite place The Piano Man Jazz Club, preparing for our gig when Mukul Sir called asking me to listen to it right away and on headphones. As the opening chords played and the sound of rain filled my headphones, I was transported back to those rainy mornings with my grandmother. The simplicity of the arrangement, combined with the powerful lyrics, created a hauntingly beautiful experience. It was a moment of validation, knowing that we had successfully captured the emotions and story we wanted to convey.

A Message To You, A Reminder For Me

In a world that often emphasizes future goals and past achievements, ‘Mausam’ serves as a gentle reminder to live in the present. Whether it's spending time with loved ones, pursuing a passion, or simply enjoying the rain, the song encourages listeners to find joy in the here and now.

Indeed the entire "Zindagi" EP, urges you to live fully in the moment. Be present, cherish the small joys, and pursue your passions with unwavering determination. My grandmother's regret about not following her academic dreams is a poignant reminder that life is fleeting, and the true essence of living lies in embracing every moment. It's a reminder that while we may have regrets, acceptance and reflection are crucial parts of our journey.

The Elephant in the Room: Where’s ‘Sukoon’?

One of the most exciting aspects of our future plans is the completion of the trilogy with ‘Sukoon’ In 2025, we will address the middle part of the protagonist's story, filling in the gaps between the fiery passion of youth in ‘Hassi’ and the reflective finality of ‘Mausam.’ ’Sukoon’ will explore the protagonist's mid-life phase, focusing on the tranquility and peace she finds amidst the chaos of life. This song will delve into how she balances his dreams, responsibilities, and the quest for inner peace. As to why, we introduced this time skip was to introduce an element of storytelling, where the observer will see ‘Sukoon’ well aware of the end and the beginning. The choices of our protagonist in ‘Sukoon’ will reflect the disconnect between plans and reality which our protagonist will be unaware of just like us living our life but we as a listener will be and can learn from. The musical composition will also be a stark contrast to the two songs again developing contrast and parallels. Once ‘Sukoon’ is out, people can enjoy the story in a chronological order but for our listeners on this journey with us why not experience it in a different manner.

Vision for a Musical Theatre or Short Film

My vision extends beyond just audio recordings. I aim to bring the ‘Zindagi’ EP to life through a musical theatre production or a short film. This project will depict the entire arc of the protagonist's life, from the passionate energy of ‘Hassi’ to the serene acceptance in ‘Sukoon’ to the final hours in ‘Mausam’. The idea is to create a visual and auditory experience that immerses the audience in the protagonist's journey, allowing them to witness his growth, struggles, and moments of realisation in a chronological way. A full short film where the songs become part of the narrative and a theatre production where it all comes to life will be something I’ll be working on in the near future as resources and funds pour in.

Conclusion: Embracing Thematic Storytelling

The thematic storytelling approach we adopted for the ‘Zindagi’ EP has been a rewarding experience till now. It has allowed me to create a cohesive narrative that is not limited to a song and 3 mins but spans multiple songs. Moving forward, I plan to continue this approach, crafting songs that tell compelling stories and evoke strong emotions. Whether it’s through individual tracks or concept albums, we aim to create music that leaves a lasting impact and is something that our audience can fall back upon in times of need.

Well, while you are waiting for ‘Sukoon’ to drop in 2025, you don’t have to wait for more music from KAPOW!. As promised we will continue on our mission to release a song every month on the 10th. So, you will continue hear more stories, more music, and more of my mind being laid bare for you.